The Blind Side

I've been sitting on this one for a bit, but after chatting with my friend Julia Baldwin and realizing how many other people out there are going through the exact same thing, I thought I would share my story in an attempt to bring some laughter and acknowledgement to what I've come to call "the blind side of 25." As those of you who know me and/or read my blog are aware I recently exited a relationship. I use that term loosely as I was recently informed that we were simply "hanging out" for 9 months and it wasn't that serious. Anyway, early on in the...situation lots of red flags started to pop up. The main one being that he was two years younger than me and about to enter in to his very own quarter-life crisis. Of course he didn't know it at the time, but having been to hell and back I was more than aware and should have walked away immediately, but that little voice got the better of me. The next red flag was that he still lives with his mother. At the time I had recently moved back in with my mother, so I was willing to let that slide. What I later found out was that he lives in a one bedroom apartment with his mom where he sleeps in the bedroom and she sleeps on the couch. That flag wasn’t just red, it was on fire!! Of course I did not acquire this information until after we had been dating a while and a connection had been made. In fact, I acquired this information on the way back to his house one night. We had gone out for a co-worker’s going away party and I had lost track of time. It wasn’t until the bouncer came over to kick us out that I realized the last train home had left hours before. I was stranded. After realizing that I would have to wait for over an hour and a half for the next train my fine gentleman was kind enough to invite me to his place. En route he tells me the inner workings of his lifestyle and explains that when we arrive I will…now get ready cause this is BRILLIANT…I will need to jump on his back and pretend to be a backpack so his mother won’t know he’s brought home a girl. Huh? Look, I went to acting school; I know how to get into character, but an inanimate object? He didn’t think his mom could tell the difference between a woman and a backpack!!? What was I thinking? But I stayed with him. I stayed with him well past our expiration date because maybe he wasn’t the best guy, but there is so much worse out there, so why not take what I could get, right? And that, my friends, is the blind side. In your early twenties you can sort of take it or leave it. You know there is plenty more to come and so there is no real rush to settle down. Later on in your thirties you’ve experienced a little more and know what you will and will not settle for. Then there is that tiny gap between the ages of I’d say 25-30, maybe even 32 in some cases where you happily turn a blind eye to all the red flags because this is the one, it HAS to be! All my friends are either married or engaged, some have children…I’m way behind schedule. And it’s not like we can just get married after a few dates, after all, I’m no Kardashian. Relationships take time and investment and at this point in your life it’s really hard to rest assured in the fact that the right person will come along. The more time that passes the more desperate we get, and that’s when we go blind. But we shouldn't allow this blindness to cause us to settle. I'm done with that, and people, this is your wake up call...open your eyes and pay attention! It's about LOVE. Love of self. Putting yourself first and protecting yourself from people who are only looking to waste your time and energy. It is a tough lesson to learn, I struggle with it all the time, but as Ru Paul says, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?"

I actually considered pretending to be a backpack for some guy who later after introducing me to his entire family and telling me he loved me turned around and told me he didn't want me anymore. That he hadn't for a while and he was sorry he hadn't told me sooner. But the truth is, he had told me sooner. He told me by not calling, by taking hours, sometimes days to return my messages. By refusing to acknowledge or support anything that made me happy. These are all signs that many of us make excuses for, or choose to overlook. We downplay how hurtful it is to be in a "relationship" with someone we know doesn't prioritize us or care about us as much as we do them, because we'd rather subject ourselves to a punishment we know we can handle than the punishment of being alone. But we are alone. If you are with someone who sees you as more of a convenience than a blessing, someone who makes you feel ordinary and easily replaceable, then you're with the wrong person. Take the blinders off and walk in a new direction. You'll find love, even if it's the love of self, because no one is worth the loss of self.

I wish you all love, laughter and 20/20 vision when it comes to matters of the heart.