The Squeeze

Excuse me a moment while I vent, but what do customers mean when they call a restaurant 4 hours before service on a Saturday night and ask to be squeezed in? A restaurant that, mind you, is doing about 250 covers between the hours of 6:30 and 8:30 pm. Where exactly would you like us to squeeze you? In between tables? In the bathrooms, perhaps? How about the coat check? We are not lying to you when we say we don’t have a table. It is not a power trip for us. We are simply trying to ensure that all of our customers are seated and served in a timely fashion, and that they are all able to enjoy their evening out with us.

Also, what is the obsession with needing a reservation at 7:30? Is there no other time your stomach can ingest food? What will happen if your reservation isn’t until 7:45? Will you spontaneously combust? Cause, I’ve yet to see it, so...SIMMER DOWN! Because, inevitably, you will end up running late and then give us some big song and dance about traffic, as though this is the first time that’s ever occurred in New York. Make the reservation at 7. You are going to arrive whenever you want anyway, so what’s the difference?

And, also, ladies, when I ask you your name, I don’t need to hear Mrs. Dr. Harold Goldenberg. Do you have your own identity? What’s the matter with you?! And, gentleman, STOP blaming EVERYTHING on your wives. They’ve taken your entire name and title as their own; the least you can do is take some responsibility once in a while. Oh, and dear doctors, telling me your name is Dr. David Shaprio M.D. is redundant and unnecessary. I GET it. Do you?

Going out for dinner is supposed to be fun, a party, a treat. We’re talking about food and wine for crying out loud. Why all the drama? I mean, to quote some of my favorite customers, “In this economy?” Really? Chillax! Eat, drink and be merry. The world will keep on turning, regardless.

Windows and Doors

What exactly is the proper response when someone says, “Well, at least you look young,” after you tell them your age? I said thank you, but was that correct? Was it meant to be a compliment? And how long do I have before people start asking me if I’ve had botox? I mean, seriously, when the hell did I go from being young to simply looking young? Jeez! I guess this was the window of opportunity that everyone kept talking about in college, and it appears that mine may have just slammed shut. They say whenever a door closes a window opens, does that also mean a door opens whenever a window closes? I sure hope so! To be honest, I never really believed in all the hoopla over age. I’ve always felt like things will happen for me when they’re meant to happen. Then during a conversation with my former roommate (who’s a genius, by the way) I realized that maybe the reason I’m having such a hard time “growing up” is because I’ve been pretty mature my whole life. If you’re 25 by the time you’re 10, where does that leave you by the time 25 actually rolls around? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve definitely had my immature and irresponsible moments, but mostly I’ve been on a path much different from a lot of the other people my age. I’ve always had more of a connection with people who are older than me. I wasn’t looking forward to 21 so I could go out and get wasted, I was just glad I was finally going to be able to go everywhere my friends could go. I feel like I grew up really fast, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but you do miss out on certain things that may end up causing you some regret later on. It’s easier to get away with things at a certain age, but after a while you should know better and it’s no longer acceptable. That’s where I am now. It’s that constant inner battle of wanting to do things now because I never did them at the appropriate age. I guess I just need to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and we’re all on different paths. Maybe there are certain things I’ve never done, and might never get to do, but I’ve also accomplished a lot for which I often forget to give myself credit. And, at the end of the day, if I really want to do something, I need to just go ahead and do it. Sure it might seem silly to some people, but by not doing it, who am I really hurting other than myself?

What Goes Around, Comes Around

I was out to dinner with some friends I’ve known since junior high school the other day and on my arrival one of my friends tells me how she was stunned when our waiter referred to her as ma’am. I immediately jumped on the bandwagon and told them about a conversation I overheard at a party a couple of weeks prior. There was a young girl there and one of the guests pointed out her amazing body. Then another guest said something about her only being 19 and how everything would surely be out of shape and sagging by the time she turned 25. Ouch! “When did 25 become old?” I asked a friend at work the next day, hoping she would shed some light. She did. She quickly reminded me how carelessly we used to throw the number around not so long ago. Woops!

I guess 25 seems really far away when you’re 18 and just graduated high school. Hell, 21 is far enough. I shamefully remembered all those times I threw that number around thinking it would never affect me, and now look what happened. Karma exists in every case, and 25 is totally kicking my ass for giving it such a bad rap back in the day. So I’d like to take a moment now to make a heartfelt apology to the number 25 and to all those who are either currently that age, or have already been there. It’s not easy. First of all, you’re in a completely different age bracket. 30 is just around the corner and everyone is so busy concentrating on the future, that the present starts to pass you by faster and faster. You go from dipping your toes in the pool of adulthood to practically drowning in it. Although, a good friend of mine promised that by the time I hit 38, I won’t even remember 25. So there’s always that. I’m sure eventually I’ll just have to accept the fact that I’m an adult and swallow whatever I’ve made of my life by that point. But right now I’m just trying to sort myself out, so I don’t end up feeling miserable and incomplete in my 30s. I’m sure one day I’ll be wishing I was 25 again. But right now 25 seems to be having a really good laugh at my expense. I guess I deserve it.

What's in a number?

Wow, this number is heavy. It has so many expectations associated with it. I try explaining how overwhelmed I feel sometimes and people look at me like I have three heads. Then the number 25 is mentioned and suddenly they’re all offering life advice.

Some seem to think the answer lies in getting a degree. Some think I should focus on meeting a guy and getting married. Some think it’s as easy as moving away and starting over. I suppose there are pros and cons to each of these theories. Perhaps in going back to school I will stumble upon something I never knew I was interested in and be taken down a completely different path. Or maybe I’ll spend years getting myself into even more debt only to discover that my degree is useless and I need to spend even more time and money in order to be considered overqualified enough to actually be hired in the field I am interested in pursuing.

Then there’s the issue of when to get married. How old is too old? I really feel like it’s a personal choice. Regardless of age, how can I share my life with someone when I barely know who I am? It may sound selfish, but shouldn’t I be focusing on myself right now? How many people rush into marriage only to eventually find themselves waking up next to a stranger? I’d like to take the time to really get to know myself, so that when I do find someone I could potentially share my life with, there is a full and content life to share.

As for moving away, this is an option I’ve considered many times. There are moments in my life when I just want to wipe the slate clean and start over in a place where no one knows me or expects anything from me. But isn’t that simply running away? Won’t the same demons follow me until I face them head on and conquer them? So why not solve the problem in my current location, so I can leave all the stress and confusion behind me if I chose to move in the future?

I guess my real issue isn’t so much with the number 25, it’s with myself and all the things I thought I would have accomplished by now, that I haven’t. For years I focused on being an actor. It’s what made me happy and brought me to life. However, in recent years, it’s become less of a desire because it makes me happy and more of a need because I don’t want to work in restaurants for the rest of my life. Sort of sucks the fun right out of it. But it has certainly helped me realize how little attention I’ve paid to all the other aspects of life. I think what I really need to work on is being more of a well rounded person. There have got to be other things that I’m good at and enjoy doing. Sometimes I fantasize about being a detective. Getting to carry a gun and a badge and solve crimes. Or what about an attorney? Working on the ins and outs of my case and figuring out how to tie it all together in court for the judge and jury. I’ve also considered delivering babies and becoming a psychiatrist. But then it always becomes clear to me, I don’t actually want to be any of those things; I just want to play them. I think that would be much more fun!

The truth is I don’t know what I want. And figuring it out is half the battle. But sometimes I don’t have the energy to fight. It’s hard enough to keep up with the day to day responsibilities of life. Sometimes I’m so tired by the time I get home, I can’t be bothered to do anything besides eat some dinner and pass out. Next thing I know, it’s morning and I’ve got to do it all again. It happens to so many of us. The monotony of life. Why? Life is too short for most of it to be spent slaving away at a job we hate so we can live paycheck to paycheck. And maybe it won’t be like this forever, but this is certainly not what I had in mind when I dreamed about being an adult. And excuse me for not wanting to grow up when aging only seems to come with even more hardships and responsibility. Okay, so before my acting teacher calls and yells at me, let me stop getting ahead of myself and get back to living in the moment. The here and now. They say if you visualize what you want it will come to you. I would love to test this theory, if only I could figure out what it is I want to visualize.

Waking Up on the Wrong Side

I had an idea recently about documenting all the funny and sometimes frightening and mind boggling events that have become my world over the past almost 2 years.

It all began when I turned 24. I was coming off the disappointment of 23, which was supposed to be my "golden year." For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, your golden year is said to be the year in which you turn the same age as the date of your birthday. I was born on the 23rd of February, 1984, so 2007 was supposed to be my "golden year." However, the entire year came and went and not a damn thing happened. Now, some would say that's not necessarily a bad thing. Just because nothing good happened, doesn't mean I shouldn't be thankful that nothing bad happened. Memories are made either way, and most times it's the awful and traumatic things we tend to remember.

Anyway, with 23 lived and gone, I had high hopes for 24. 25 was just around the corner and I had to stop playing at being an adult and focus on actually becoming one. It was right around this time I began feeling the beginning symptoms of what I later diagnosed as a "quarter life crisis." (Thanks Mark!) You're still sort of in your early 20s and you just want to go out and party before you're forced to grow up, but most of the people in your life (at least the ones who aren't actors) are either graduating, or have already graduated and are moving on to try and make something of themselves.

Now, here's the part where I think a lot of us get stuck. What comes next? We're caught in an in between phase and a lot of us don't know where we want to go. Or maybe we thought we knew, but somewhere along the line we changed our minds, and now we're right back at the starting point. I can remember being a teenager and watching some of my friends and family go through this exact same thing. Some of them moved away in an attempt to clear the slate. Some of them changed their career paths. Some cheated on people they had been with for years simply because they felt like they were in a rut and needed that one last hurrah before they woke up in their 30s feeling as though they past up an opportunity that could have changed the course of their lives. But, no matter how far they ran, eventually they all ended up settling into the life that was destined for them. But what happens when you are unsure of what you're destined for?

So here I am at 25, which some would say is young and others (like my sister) would consider their scary age, trying to work my way through it. Hopefully these entries will help myself and others to clear a path that will lead us to success and happiness. And, if not, at least we can have a laugh at some of the nonsense that comes with being on the wrong side of 25.