Purpose

Something is in the works for me right now. I’m not exactly sure what it is, but I feel a good energy about it. I use to feel as though I had this light about me; this light that brightened me from within and drew people to me. Over the course of the past few years that light had diminished, or at least it felt as though it had. I could no longer walk into a room and stand apart from the crowd. I was just another one of the millions, nothing special about it.

I share this with you because I feel at one point or another we all feel we are special, that we have a specific purpose and will be called to greatness one day. As we continue to age the realities of life begin to set in and some of us fall victim to the monotony of everyday living. For some the ability to fall into a routine is a blessing. There’s something peaceful about it. For others it begins to wear us down. Where am I going? What am I doing? We stop feeling special, stop feeling as though we’re called to serve a specific purpose, and start feeling lost and disillusioned. Maybe there truly isn’t anything special about me at all? Maybe I was just kidding myself? Maybe I’m just like everyone else? After all, we can’t all be special. If we were wouldn’t that somehow diminish the quality of what it means to be special in the first place?

I’ve been digging my way out of this tunnel for a while now. There have been moments where I’ve given up; moments where it felt as though all my efforts were in vain, and not worth it. But recently I’ve come to see a light at the end of this tunnel. Recently I have started to feel like there is a greater power working in my favor. Some of the choices I have made along the way have not been for the best. I’ve known this for a long time, but refused to accept it. I hate feeling like a failure, so I hold on to things sometimes well past what’s appropriate because I feel like the more I give and the longer I hang on the more clear my desire will become to the universe and there will be nothing left to do but give in and let me have it. But sometimes in life certain things are not meant to be, and no matter how much we want them, or how tightly we hold on to them, they will be taken away from us for the greater good. Of course it’s hard to see the greater good sometimes, especially when you want something so desperately, and especially when there is nothing to immediately fill the void that not having it leaves.

I recently suffered a loss. Actually, it feels as though I’ve been suffering this loss over and over for the past 6 months. You know that saying about history repeating itself? So true! History is constantly repeating itself, and if you don’t learn the first time around, you will be doomed to continue repeating the same vicious cycle over and over again until someone or something else intervenes and says enough. I’m stubborn. Sometimes it takes 3 or 4 punches to the face before I realize that moving out of the way would probably be a lot smarter. That’s how this recent situation went. For months I beat myself up, “If I had only…if I had only…if I had only…” But ultimately that’s not what was meant to be. I’ve known it for quite some time, and am finally coming to terms with it. There is a greater plan for me, one that includes happiness and success. I was trapped in the tunnel, surrounded by darkness. I had given up hope and allowed myself to settle for less than what I knew I deserved out of fear that I would never again reach that light that would allow me to shine as brightly as I once had. But there is something special about me. I am called to greatness. The life I was living was not enough, and the universe refused to allow me to settle for less.
We all go through dark moments. We all feel lackluster from time to time. But at the end of the day we each have something to offer, and yes some people’s offerings may be better than others, but it’s the way we offer it that sets us apart from one another.

I know that I have greatness within me. I know I have a purpose. I’m still on the path to figuring out exactly what that is, but I know when I finally come to realize it this will all have been worth it.