Surrendering

What I’m about to reference in this post may go over many of your heads. I apologize, but I will try to tie it all together so that we are all on the same page by the time I’m done. Ready? There’s a show on TV (Lifetime, actually. I know I just lost half of you, but try to stay with me, please?) called Drop Dead Diva. The plot is that an aspiring model, Deb, and an overweight lawyer, Jane, die on the same day and somehow Deb’s spirit reincarnates in Jane’s body. Along with a new body Deb ends up with a new job, lifestyle and guardian angel, Fred. While physically she is Jane, mentally (besides the knowledge she retains in order to carry on life as Jane, such as knowledge of the legal system and such) she is still Deb. Before dying Deb was engaged to Greyson, a fellow lawyer at Jane’s firm. I know, complicated and cheesy at the same time. Anyway, over the course of the last few seasons Deb (as Jane) has been trying to pick up where she left off with Greyson. However, on the advice of her guardian angel, she is unable to tell him who she really is. Basically she was given a second chance, but her new life has to be completely new. If Greyson falls in love with Jane of his own accord, that’s fine…free will. However, Deb is not allowed to use her knowledge of the past to manipulate the future. She simply has to surrender and let life run its course. The word surrender seems to keep coming up wherever I turn. In the long run what else can we really do, right? Some people believe we can manifest destiny. Can we? Or is the destiny we manifest simply what was meant to happen all along? Because I know there are certain things I have tried time and time again to manifest unsuccessfully. Is there something wrong with my technique, or were those things not meant to be part of my life? I used to believe that things happen for a reason, but after several instances that seem to have served no purpose I’m starting to think maybe I was wrong. Some might think Deb ungrateful for continuing to long for the past when she was handed a fresh start no questions asked. But then why allow her to keep her memory? Isn’t it torturing her to remember who she used to be and what she used to have only to be forced to walk away from it all? I know, I’m referencing a fictional situation right now, but to be honest, my life seems to have gone the exact same way over the course of the past year. The person I once was is gone, quite instantly and without explanation. All of her. The person I’ve become, no matter how hard I try can never be the same, but I remember who and how I once was and can’t deny that she’s missed. I guess the only thing I can do is continue to climb the mountain and hope that what waits on the other side is worth it. Since there is no way to know for sure, I suppose I will simply have to put my manos al aire (hands in the air) and surrender.