Show Me The Money!

Okay, granted this is not what this blog is about, but since other people find it okay to take to their blog for every little thing, I'm going to take a moment to abuse my power and vent.

Everyone wants something for free!!! Don't get me wrong, I welcome anything gratis, but I don't expect it. I don't pout and complain because I feel like it's owed to me. My favorite part about all this is that most of the people who expect free stuff are people who can afford to pay full cost!!

If you can afford to bring your clients out to a 3 star restaurant for dinner, please don't look for ways to cut corners. Let's be serious, there are more affordable places to dine. Might I suggest Outback?! Also, what's up with pharmaceutical companies sending over all their guidelines about pricing? Really, we cannot allow your guests to choose an appetizer that is more than $10? Um, I know bar menus with more expensive appetizers. And, I'm sorry, when did it become my responsibility to regulate what your guests order? Why don't YOU let them know that you're too cheap to pay for what they'd like to eat at the restaurant YOU brought them to? And, please, are you guys really that hard up for money? I thought drug dealers made bank.

And how about my lovely friends from the UES? You know the ones who roll into the restaurant dripping in Chanel. No, really, ladies, you just need a dab on each wrist and behind the ears. Anyway, they stroll in and drop their big heavy furs on top of you. They can't acknowledge you to say hello, but will certainly give you an earful about not being greeted properly. Then you show them to their table where they sit for hours, because, after all, when you're waiting for death what else is there to do? But when it comes time to regain the dead animal they threw over you earlier, they can't be bothered to look for a dollar. Perhaps it's that they don't carry bills that small? Or perhaps it's that you are too insignificant? Maybe it's just the economy? I mean a dollar is a dollar. Never mind that they just dropped half a grand on dinner. Please, keep your dollar, but also, keep your wretched smelling coat. Coat checking is a service, if you cannot pay for the service, don't have it done.

But it's not just the ladies who are to blame, no, no. All those business men with their ridiculously heavy briefcases are also in the wrong. And I love how they can tell me how heavy it is while handing it to me, "Careful, sweetie, it's heavy," but somehow the fact that I hauled it in and out of the coat check for them doesn't register as reason enough for a tip.

And then there are the people who show up 30-45 minutes early for their reservation and are then confused when you tell them you're not open yet. One guy actually asked me, "So you want me to leave?" Imagine that? I'm running a BUSINESS, because contrary to popular belief that's what a restaurant is, and there are business hours under which we operate. Who knew? Let me ask you, if you went to a museum while it was closed and said you wanted to be let in, do you think it would happen? Probably not. And do you know why? Because it's a BUSINESS!! A business that is in business to make money. Sure we love our guests (most of them anyway) and we are grateful for the patronage that keeps us up and running, but at the end of the day we do what we do for money. It's not out of the goodness of our hearts. If you would like to eat something specific at a specific time, stay home and cook. Don't go to a restaurant if you can't eat the food. Don't ask for something that's not on the menu. Don't make a reservation and then show up whenever the hell you feel like it. DO NOT TIP LESS THAN 15%! These things are not okay. They're not okay! If you want the experience of fine dining then come on out and treat yourself to a wonderful evening of food and wine. Otherwise, wait for Restaurant Week. At least then we know what to expect.