Is this how relationships end?

Right, so I recently wrote this email to the guy who is now my ex-boyfriend and upon reading it to my cousin was informed that it should be my next blog entry. Of course in hopes of salvaging the relationship I deleted the email.

The truth is you have to go with your gut, but what if your gut is pulling you in two different directions? As I sat there deciding whether or not to send the text that would ultimately lead to the end of my relationship I couldn't help but feel as though I was being pulled in two directions.

Part of me had had it. I wanted more and wasn't going to continue to deny myself in hopes that he would eventually come around. The other part understood that the added stress of a break up was not something I needed in my life at this moment. Plus, relationships are complicated. Perhaps we could have talked things out instead of calling it quits?

Several years ago there were a couple of books published about exactly what I'm going through right now. The first was called "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell about acting on your first instinct. The second was called "Think" by Michael R. LeGault which strongly contradicted all the theories mentioned in "Blink."

For the most part I have always been a "Think" kind of girl. When an idea crosses my mind I usually like to sit back and weigh all the options. Of course in doing so I usually end up second guessing myself and ultimately making the wrong decision. Recently, however, I've been more of a "Blink" girl and that hasn't done me any good either. It seems all the impulsive decisions I've made have caused me nothing but stress and doubt. Did I give it enough time? What if I had waited a little longer?

The real cause for this break up was time. A lack of time and mismanagement of the time available. I guess it's weighing on me now because I've never broken up with a person because I wanted to spend more time with them. Does that make any sense? I mean, I've heard of relationships ending because the two people just aren't compatible, or one cheated on the other, or they fell out of love, but to break up with someone you enjoy being around so much you simply want to spend as much time with them as possible...I just can't wrap my brain around it.

I suppose in the end everything happens for a reason, and perhaps someday it will all become clear to me. In the meantime, however, I need to figure out a new way of making decisions, because neither the “Think” nor "Blink" methods have worked for me.